


The Makings of You

by MzRogueRaz (EggplantRed)



Series: A Little Bit [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Declarations Of Love, F/M, Feelings, Light Angst, Loss, Love Confessions, Oral Sex, Smut, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:08:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3809851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggplantRed/pseuds/MzRogueRaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started out as stress relief and nothing more. A distressed leader was no good to the Inquisition and its followers.<br/>Somewhere along the way though, the arrangement changed without them realizing it. Maybe it was just her.<br/>Neither one had spoken about it but with old memories resurfacing, they were due for a discussion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was an unusually warm spring day in Skyhold. Alcina, Dorian, and Cole had taken up residence beneath the large tree behind the Herald’s Rest. The courtyard was bustling with training exercises for everyone- Inquisition soldiers, Chargers, and other mercenary companies that had joined the fold.

Dorian was leaning against the tree with his head buried in a book. Alcina was using Dorian’s thigh as a pillow as she watched the exercises happen around the yard. Cole was perched at Dorian’s feet playing with a nug that had taken a liking to him in the caves below Crestwood. When the little nug had followed them to the back exit of the cave, Cole announced in his usual fashion that the nug didn't like the quiet anymore and wanted to feel the sun again. Alcina agreed so they could get out of the damp and dark cave quickly. Cole was happy to have a pet and Alcina was even happier to get out of the cave.

Bull and the Chargers were near the clinic working out. Some of the Chargers were engaged in archery and dagger work while Bull and Krem were doing some shield defense exercises. Alcina was taking notes of Bull's shield work. Although he wasn't unskilled by any means, he wasn't a regular shield user so she made note of some pointers to give him later to help out.

At some point while she was watching them train, her helpful training pointers gave way to naughtier thoughts. Thoughts of straddling him and feeling his tongue all over her were occupying her mind now. She was snapped out of her fantasy when she eventually heard Dorian clearing his throat very loudly.

“Dear Inquisitor, if you ogle him any harder you'll bore a hole into his head...or set his pants aflame, whatever the case may be. I'm quite hoping for the pantless option. That'll spice training exercises right up.”

Alcina turned to look at Dorian, “What?!? Hush! I'm just making notes about shield training.”

Dorian’s signature eyebrow raise made its appearance. Alcina turned away from him, certain that she was blushing profusely and hoping to spare herself any further scrutiny. He folded the corner of the page he was reading and closed his book.

He started twirling the end of her ponytail, “You're absolutely hopeless. Have you and that lug finally admitted to each other what the rest of us already see?”

She remained turned away from him, “What in the sod are you on about?”

Dorian gave her ponytail a little tug, “While you have many fine qualities Inquisitor, playing coy isn't one of them.”

She burst into a giggle fit as she rose up to lean next to Dorian against the tree. When she finally composed herself, she sighed deeply.

“Well spit it out. Frankly I’m hurt you didn't tell me sooner that you two were a thing now and not just two sex crazed nugs.”

She looked at him, a bit astonished. "Oh please, we've all heard the two of you in camp before. You're not as quiet as you think. Sera and I started thinking you were turned on by giving us all an earful. Now I actually dread the two of you being something. What's camp going to sound like now? They'll be no living with either of you."

She popped his thigh, “We're not. At least I don't think so. Oh Ancestors, I don't know.”  

“Do I need to fill it in for myself? I'm sure I can spin some riveting tale of love, loss and triumph. Toss in some sex, demons, and a few battles for good measure. I think I could give Varric a run for his coin.”

She giggled before continuing, “You know after Winter Palace, we stayed near the lake. We kind of not talked and he squeezed my hand. I squeezed his hand back and we left it at that.”

“That’s pretty much a proposal for a Qunari, yes? So I think you'd look divine in King’s Willow Weave or maybe Royale Sea Silk dyed red.”

Alcina coughed a little, “How did you get marriage from hand squeezing?”

"Heart filled with feelings unknown, tied and bound with no release in sight, words on the tip of my tongue, actions unspoken but speak loudly. Her eyes, happy and sad, she smiles and she doesn't, is it because of him.”

“Seems our resident spirit here has picked up a certain someone’s thoughts. But who’s him?”

Alcina cleared her throat. “The past,” as she could feel a tightness squeezing the breath from her chest. Alcina had worked hard to close off that part of her life after everything that happened. There were a lot of drunken nights that culminated with bar fights and general disregard for her life. She hadn't thought about him in years and really didn't want to now. Dorian sensed the shift in her demeanor and didn't press the matter any further.

“Denial seems to be in fashion around these parts I see,” he quipped before returning to his book.

They sat under the tree in silence for a while longer. Cullen had dismissed the Inquisition forces but the Chargers were still doing some work. Bull was a work hard, play hard kind of leader. He would push them in training and they were sure to bitch and moan about it. But there was never any doubt that he'd treat them to as many casks as they asked for afterwards so long as they were in top form in the morning.

In between some sword work with Krem, he shot Alcina a sly grin. Their eyes locked as she smiled back. She burst out laughing when Krem caught Bull not paying attention and whacked him on his side with the training sword. "C'mon Chief! Save it for the tavern." Bull grunted at his second-in-command before bashing him with his shield.

She stood up and stretched. “I think I've had more than enough sun for the day. Coming in?”

Dorian glanced over the top of the book and nodded, “I thought you'd never ask. I don't know why I thought sitting outside to melt was a good idea. I actually miss the cool weather. Tragically, the South is beginning to rub off on me.”  

Alcina cut her eyes at him, “I'm pretty sure when you asked me to accompany you out here it had nothing to do with enjoying the weather, Lord Pavus.” Feigning ignorance as he reached his hand out for her help, “What do you mean?”

Cole’s sixth sense was about to compel him to speak when Dorian cut him off, “No Cole I think we all know the answer to that already. No need to go blurting it out. Let's leave a little mystery shall we.” Alcina hunched over chuckling as Dorian popped her on the backside with his book.

When she finally stopped laughing, she turned to an annoyed Dorian, “Bull’s probably going to be training for a little longer. Have lunch with me salroka.”

Dorian hissed, “Ahhh yes because the brute won't be able to occupy your time now I get a chance to. Hey second choice, let's make eyes at each other over lunch until the person I really want to make eyes at isn't busy anymore. You really know how to make a guy feel special.”

Ignoring Dorian's dig at her, “Cole, joining us?” Cole was still playing with the nug when he remarked, “He wants to play in the grass a little longer. It tickles his nose when he sniffs for food and his belly as he walks but it makes him happy. We will stay.”

Alcina nodded and mussed with Cole’s hair as she and Dorian turned to make their way to the dining hall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATED (01/05/16): minor wording and grammar updates done.

After spending most of the day out beneath the tree, Alcina was covered in sweat, dirt, and grim. To say she was ready for a bubble bath would be an understatement; she needed it at this point. After eating with Dorian and spending time with him in his claimed corner of the library, she was ready to retire to her room for a while. She mentioned a bath to the staff and tried to help the two staff members carry water to her room but neither of them would hear of it. She passed them some silvers as they left and closed her door.

Alcina left a trail of clothing behind her as she made her way to the bath. The room smelled like honey and spices and the bubbles were practically screaming her name. She climbed in and lay back against the end of the tub. She closed her eyes and let the water soothe her as she began soaking the day away. As she lay there, her mind drifted to happier times with Gerren.

Some women loved getting flowers from their beloved; Alcina loved getting weapons. He always brought her a shield, a sword, or some other weapon from his travels. He once brought her a set of jeweled throwing knives. She laughed at the frivolity of something that was meant to be thrown into someone’s flesh being so fancy but she couldn't deny they were beautiful. Emeralds like your eyes, he said.

She smiled at the memory but her happiness quickly turned to sorrow. The faded pictures of their time together were coming to the forefront of her mind again. She slumped beneath the water and let it encapsulate her fully. She could hear nothing but her heartbeat and the swooshing of the water in her ears. She laid on the tub floor being cradled and gently rocked by the water. It was a bit hypnotizing and helped clear her mind in a way. When she finally came up for air and leaned over the side of the bath, she saw Bull was in the room now. She swallowed her grief as best she could and quickly pushed a smile to her face when she saw him heading her way. He smirked as he walked towards the washroom.

“I would have joined you if I'd been invited.”

Her eyes followed him as he grabbed a towel for her then sat on a stool next to the tub. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. Their eyes connected for a moment. She immediately saw his facial expression shift and knew he was scanning her, trying to figure out what’s going on. Pisser it’s still written on my face, she thought to herself. She thought she'd masked the sadness well enough but now she was second-guessing herself. She forced a bigger grin on her face, not ready to deal with Bull’s scrutiny right then. Not with the memories so fresh on her mind. He silently took the hint and backed off. She breathed a small sigh of relief to herself. “After lying under the tree all day, I needed to get everything off.”

“Yes I noted the trail of clothes you left.” She smiled as he leaned up and grabbed hold of her leg in the water. “How long you going to be?” Warmth began pooling in her belly as he slowly rubbed her calf. She moaned, “Not much longer now.”

“Need some help finishing up?”

His hand traveled further up her leg until his fingertips grazed her lips lightly. She mewled as he began stroking her softly. Just as she was getting into it, he withdrew his hand from the water. She glowered at him as he teased, “All you're missing is the Seeker’s grunt.” She lathered up a cloth with the spiced honey soap and began to bathe while Bull watched intently. She took her time going over her breasts and then stood to give him a view from behind as she finished up. She heard him grunt to himself as she rinsed off. Bull stood and opened the towel for her, “Out, come on.” She stepped out of the tub and into his arms. He wrapped the towel around her body and picked her up. Bull sat her down on the bed and walked over to her desk to grab some oil.

As he approached her, she opened her towel to give him a full view. She lay back on the bed as Bull kneeled before her and placed her legs over his shoulders. He started planting kisses on her calves and up each leg until he reached her center. His tongue traced the length of her lips before he stopped to inhale her scent. She smelled of honey, spice and her own warm, sweet musk. He bit her upper thighs before his finger sought entrance into her. He groaned with pleasure into her thigh when he saw she was already dripping wet for him. The vibrations from his groan sent shivers throughout her body causing her to arch her back, giving him an eyeful. “Mmmm you should see the great view from here,” as he sucked on her thigh.

Her light giggle turned into a moan as he began lazily thrusting his finger in and out of her. His tongue found her bud and sucked on it gently. She moaned deeply and started grinding her hips on his face. He removed his finger to let his tongue flutter over her, enjoying the flavor of her nectar as it danced over his tongue.

As he began moving his hands up her torso seeking her breasts, she leaned up on her elbows and grabbed the hand that had been penetrating her. As he continued to tongue her, he watched keenly as his nectar covered finger disappeared deep into her mouth and emerged clean. She began lavishly sucking his finger and the visual only made him more painfully aware of the constraint his pants were placing on him. He wasn’t planning for them to fuck right then but Alcina was making it damn hard to stick to that. His finger grazed along her teeth as he slowly pulled it out of her mouth.

Bull began thrusting his finger into her with even more fervor now. His cock throbbed harder with her escalating moans. His other hand pressed down on her lower stomach as he took her bud into his mouth and began softly nibbling and sucking on it. She started to tighten around his finger and clamped her legs around his arms. He curled his finger up towards her spot and started stroking it. Within a few minutes, she was trembling in his hands.

Bull wiped his glistening face as he stood and smiled at her laying there on the bed shivering in post bliss. He undressed, oiled himself and laid beside her on the bed. She climbed on top of him and sat firmly in his lap. His cock rested against her ass as she sat there grinning at him.

“Couldn't let my finger have all the fun.”

“Jealous of yourself?”

Bull laughed, “Not usually but stranger shit has happened.”

They chuckled as he gripped her hips. He slid a finger between the two of them and found her still wet. His cock jumped a little as he moaned, “Damn Kadan.” She grabbed his hand and sucked on the finger that had been between them. After she let go of his hand, their heavy, lustful eyes connected and ignited a spark in him. Unable to stand it any longer, Bull lifted her so he could position himself at her entrance. Alcina placed her hands on his chest to steady herself as she slowly guided him in. They moaned in unison as he settled inside of her.

The sudden fullness caused her muscles to spasm leading him to grip her hips even tighter. She started out slowly rolling her hips against him but her intensifying desire wanted it faster and harder. Bull obliged, grabbed a hold of her hips and took control. The bucking of his hips made him rub against her previously stimulated spot which brought her right to the edge. She threw her head back and whimpered as she struggled to keep her increasingly overwhelmed body upright. Sensing she was close, Bull grabbed hold of her and quickly sat up so he could give her the final push she needed. Taking care to be mindful of her, with a few short thrusts, the two of them came with such force it almost knocked the breath out of them. She remained in his lap as he sat there at the edge of the bed, both of them enjoying the waves of euphoria falling over them.

After he finally gathered enough breath to speak, “Looks like we'll need to have another bath drawn.” She mumbled into his chest, “I'm pretty sure a bath is what started this.” They both chortled at the undeniable truth. They sat there in silence, entwined in an embrace. After a few minutes, “Let’s get cleaned up ok?” She just nodded in agreement, her head still resting against his chest. He tapped her lower back and waited for her to let go so he could grab cloths for them. She finally mustered enough energy to release him and rolled over on the towel that had scrunched up beside them.

Bull called out from the washroom, “Damn the water’s cooled off. Any in the cauldron?” She called out languidly, “Shit, no.” He came back from the washroom with two cloths, “Gonna make it quick then. I'll have to admire your curves next time.” She smiled as he grabbed hold of her foot and started making his way up her leg to begin wiping her body down. After they were done cleaning up, they nestled under the sheets.

Alcina laid her head on his chest and listened. His heartbeat regularly stood in as a lullaby for her but this evening her mind was too distraught. The euphoric mood she was just reveling in was quickly clouded by thoughts of Gerren again. She cursed Cole in her mind for bringing up her past. He couldn't have known how it would affect her but it didn't stop her from feeling irked about it anyway.

She propped her head on her hand and looked up at Bull. He looked at her with a contented look on his face and smiled. It should have made her smile to see him happy and satisfied but instead she was on the verge of tears. She tried to turn her head away before any tears fell but she only succeeded in making them fall onto his chest. Bull certainly saw and felt her anguish as she started crying on his chest. He reached for her face so he could look in her eyes.

“Kadan, why are you crying? What’s going on?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A heads up. No graphic details are given but some unpleasant things are briefly hinted at.

Alcina hadn't told the story of what happened to Gerren in four years. She didn't discuss it with friends, family, not anyone. She was used to blocking as much of it as she could out of her mind. It wasn't that she wanted to erase his existence from the world but she couldn't risk that pain resurfacing. Her mind stowed it away and her heart was locked behind as many walls as she could build. Until recently that is.

What she and The Iron Bull started some time ago wasn't supposed to be anything more than blowing off steam and easing tension. She didn't claim to be the Herald of Andraste. She didn't ask to be the Inquisitor. She stepped up when it was needed and shouldered the responsibility. Bull knew that she needed a space where she wasn't deciding fates or bearing the pressure of all those who were depending on her. He understood she could use time where someone else was in charge and provided her with what she needed.

Aside from the spectacular sex, they had a lot of fun together and had become really great friends. No one else shared her love for breaking bones, imbibing in alcohol, and indulging in fine food. Well maybe the alcohol part is a bit of a stretch considering some of the crew could be counted as residents of the tavern.

People thought they were insane the way the two of them would charge headfirst into fights. Dorian often shouted from range as they sprinted into groups of whatever the enemy of the day was, “If either of you get yourself killed, I'm going to raise your corpse so I can kill you again!” Since she'd learned the way of the Champion, it made fighting even more enjoyable. She'd run in and attract attention and laugh maniacally as they swung in vain trying to take her out which gave Bull the openings he needed to come from behind and cut them down in one or two swings. She was his turtle and he brought the pain up the rear as she exhausted the enemies’ stamina. Their one-two punch in the field was quite simpatico with their natures.

Somewhere along the line though, the Tal-Vashoth mercenary captain somehow made his way past the walls. A more apt description would probably be he smashed right through them now that she was faced with the reality. She hadn't seen it coming yet here she was enveloped in the truth's arms. She was so immersed in her thoughts that she hadn't realized she was sobbing uncontrollably into his chest. He sat there silently, simply holding her close.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You look like you needed the release,” as he caressed her back.

She nuzzled into his chest even more and allowed herself to be comforted. For all appearances, despite his robust stature, Bull’s ability to soothe could be a little confounding. Her tears finally stopped falling and she could finally speak.

“Cole picked up on some of your thoughts today.”

With a drawn out sigh, “I'm not explaining to him what the harness is for. That kid, I see we'll have to discuss appropriate helping again.”

“Harness?? Hold that thought for another day, what he actually heard should be discussed though. Some past stuff came up and I should tell you about him, well I guess us.”

"Ok, I'm listening." She brought her hand up on his chest to feel his heartbeat. He reassuringly placed his hand over hers. She took a deep breath and gathered as much courage as she could.

“His name was Gerren. We were together about nine years or so but were friends since we were kids. We…” She fought back more tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Bull placed his hand on her back at just the moment she needed. Perhaps it’s best to start with happier times.

“Gerren and I grew up together. The first time I met him, his parents were visiting our compound. I'll never forget when they introduced us at 6 and 7. He told his mother he didn't want to be friends with a stupid girl. So I called him a rock licker and punched him in the face.”

Bull’s chuckle reverberated throughout her body.

“Mother made me apologize to him and then she pushed us outside. Once we were out there he called me a smelly nug. I reminded him that I could punch him again and he quickly held his tongue. Since we were going to be forced to be in each other’s company we figured we'd at least try to get along. He didn't call me names as much and I didn't punch him too often.”

He laughed, “You sure know how to make fast friends don’t ya?”

“You may find it hard to believe but I was a bit of a scamp when I was younger.”

Bull laughed long and hard. “Hard to believe? Ha! A model kid? Yes. A ‘bit of a scamp’ as you put it? Not at all.”

Rolling her eyes she continued on, “Anyway, when father found out about me punching him, he said that’s my girl and patted me on the back. Mother was not pleased with his reaction. She ripped his hide for it in fact.”

Both of them laughed for a few minutes. The laughing fit helped ease some of her sadness, even if it was for a fleeting moment.

“So when did you two get together?”

Alcina took a deep breath. “Late teens, 18 or 19 I think. That’s when he blasted it for everyone and the Ancestors to hear. If he felt anything before then, he didn't tell me. His mother had started searching for a mate for him. We were at their home for a party one night. She'd invited another girl for Gerren to meet. He was entertaining the girl and kept sneaking me looks to come save him. Naturally I didn't, it was too much fun watching him squirm. We'd discussed his mother’s insistence to marry him off before but I hadn't seen it in action until then. I was having too much fun laughing at his expense.”

“Been evil a long time I see.”

Alcina scratched Bull’s back as he laughed. “Hush! As I was saying, he was pleading with his eyes for me to save him. I was too busy laughing with my sister and one of his brothers. His mother walked over to them and the two of them started arguing. He told his mother he was sick of being shown off like a prize winning horse. She tried to get him to calm down and then he went and did it.”

She laughed hard now. Remembering how Gerren declared his love for her was terrible, embarrassing, and sweet.

“He shouts in the middle of the party that he'd already found his mate and points to me. The party went as quiet as a mouse in a bear’s cave. His mother’s mouth dropped open. My mother’s mouth dropped open. My mouth dropped open as I stood there staring at him. He came across the room and stood in front of me. Told me he'd loved me since he first laid eyes on me. I thought he was joking and I was in a bit of shock so I punched him.”

He guffawed this time, “You're shitting me?? The man tells the world he loves you and you punched him?!?”

“He always had terrible timing. He could have told me that at the tavern over some ale. Mother and father both gave me looks. And he sat there on the floor with his sappy, nug loving eyes staring up at me. He gets up off the floor, cradling his jaw, and announces to the whole party that the two of us were an item. It landed him an elbow to the belly too.”

The memory seemed so fresh in her mind; it was like she was reliving it all over again.

“I went outside to get some air and he came running after. I asked him why he never told me. He wasn't sure I felt the same. I hadn't thought of him that way but I cared for him a lot. No one else let me punch them so much. He was my voice of reason and always had my back. I always said the warrior blood made me bold. He said the warrior blood made me reckless. He always could calm me when I threatened to rage on people, which was often back then. I remember wanting to punch him again but settled on a kiss instead.”

“By our early twenties, he was like a ram tick stuck on my side and I couldn't pluck that bugger off. I’d started taking up the family business by then too. Smuggling at first then I moved to more hands on work. Enforcement was perfect for me- I got to fight a little or a lot and they didn't risk me stabbing folks when negotiating deals. My Carta life didn't bother him although he wished sometimes I'd work the smuggling side only. He worried about me facing the danger head on out there. Whenever he brought it up, I used to tell him my house gave birth to warriors so I'd never be bested in a scuffle.” Bull laughed a little as he moved some of her hair behind her ear and continued to listen.

“One day, we had a shipment going to some mages’ guild in Orlais. My brothers and I along with some of our crew were escorting it. Gerren had some smith work to take care of near where we were going and wanted to ride along.”

“We were somewhere between Cumberland and Val Chevin taking a break. My brother Doudrin was always looking around for stuff, you know how rogues can be. He noticed some bushes had changed shape and quickly rallied us to arms. Sure enough, some idiot bandits were attempting to ambush us. Gerren and a friend that was traveling with him helped some of the smugglers get out of the way while our crew went about dispatching the ambushers. After that, all I remember is hearing Gerren scream my name. I turned around and saw a rogue fresh out of stealth plunge a dagger into his chest and he slumped to the ground.”

Alcina started crying again. Bull rubbed her back to console her. She pressed on.

“I collapsed on the ground with him. Doudrin had flanked the rogue already and taken him down and was next to me before I could blink. Renrik and the crew were busy getting rid of the rest of the bandits. He was laying there in my lap bleeding out. I asked him why he'd gotten in the way. That spider’s ass tells me he didn't want to see me bested in a scuffle.” She laughed a little remembering it.

“It was just like him trying to amuse me even as he lay dying in my arms. Our last words to each other were I love you.” Her tears fell much harder this time. She hadn't spoken those words out loud since the day Gerren died. She wouldn't even say the phrase when telling a story. It was still painful for her to hear the words.

"After that I spent a lot of nights in taverns drinking the images and memories out of my mind. If I wasn't drinking, I was fighting. If I wasn't fighting, I was at a brothel. I didn't want to deal with all the emotional shit I was feeling. I picked up protection work, took on riskier escort jobs, hoping I wouldn't return from them. I was actually disappointed each time I survived." She groaned deeply remembering those turbulent times. The recklessness she engaged in would have killed her. It should have killed her.

"My head was in a really bad place. It got to a point where I almost went to the Deep Roads alone. A friend of mine in Kirkwall knew a Grey Warden that was willing to lead me to one of the entrances in the Marches. I felt like I'd been tormented by Gerren's memory for far too long and I wanted it to be over. The way I saw it at least I could end things ridding the world of a few darkspawn." Bull huffed and stiffened a little beneath her. He was getting upset but she didn't want to see the look on his face after that admission. She rested against his chest as she attempted to continue talking but he cut her off.

Bull leaned back and looked at her, “How could you just give up?”

Her eyes pierced him with a growing ire. She rebutted, “Look I didn't cope with his loss in the best way. I can handle shit much better now than I could back then though. If anyone could understand not wanting to do it anymore, I thought it'd be you.” Her words stung. He reflected upon when he turned himself in to the re-educators and softened his stance. He did know how it felt to wake up one day and not be able to find one reason to continue on. Hearing how he almost didn’t have a chance to meet her still riled him but he couldn’t be angry with her since he was once in her shoes in a sense. A different type of pain but his hurt had run just as deep as hers had nonetheless. He sighed long and deep before he pulled her back to him and wrapped his arms around her.

Resuming the story, "My father somehow found out about my plans. I found him in my room the night before I was planning to leave for the Deep Roads. He was sitting in my window, staring at the sky when I walked in. He started telling me stories about how he and my mother met. He told me about the day I was born, stories about my childhood. Some of them I didn't even remember. He finally turned to face me with teary eyes. I’d never seen my father cry so it shook me. He grabbed my hands and told me he couldn't imagine the pain I was in over Gerren and wouldn't pretend that he could. He said warriors face trials daily, in combat and out; we are warriors because we face them head on and persevere when others may quit or break. He hugged me and said we are here for you and won't let you go off to your death. When he finally let go of me, he kissed my forehead. As he stood at the door to leave, he looked over his shoulder and told me my little warrior you must find your resolve again to endure but you don't have to do this alone and he closed my door."

At that moment, she began to weep again. She cried for her friendship and relationship with Gerren. She cried for letting him join them on their escort. She cried for Gerren dying in her arms. She cried for feeling like he abandoned her. She cried for the drinking, the fighting, and her desperation. She cried for the night her father stood at her door letting her know she was not alone no matter how she felt. She was finally experiencing the catharsis of all the hurt she'd experienced, all the pain she’d caused, and everything she'd locked away behind iron walls within her.

Just when she thought she'd cried for everything she could, she felt his hand cradle the back of her head. Her mind turned to the first time she met him on the Storm Coast. The first time they fought enemies together, the first time he called her Boss, their first drink at the tavern together, the first story they shared by fire at camp, the first time she had drinks with the Chargers, the first time she sparred in the practice ring with him, the first time they flirted with each other, the first time they killed a dragon, the first time he met her in her suite, the first time they discussed the rules, the first time she admitted to the inner council it was no momentary diversion and she and Bull would be continuing. A dragon’s tooth, split in two for each person to wear so no matter how far apart life takes you, you're always together he said. She recalled the surprised look on his face when she presented him with the necklace. He called her Kadan, my heart. She cried for everything she'd lost and now for everything she'd found.

Bull and Alcina remained in each other's embrace for minutes. His arms blocked out everything except the two of them in that moment. Their breathing synced and as he exhaled, she inhaled; almost as if there was one breath between them. When she seemed better, he took hold of her face in his hands and began wiping her tears away. She leaned into his palm. His touch was so gentle, so easy like it was second nature to him. She closed her eyes tightly, forcing the remainder of the tears out, and exhaled. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. Her thoughts drifted back to why she was confessing her soul. Doom and gloom has a way of making you spill your life story to the first soul who'll listen or profess your love in case you don't have another chance to do it. Or in her case, spirits of compassion who can feel your hurt and want to help can do it.

“I promise I'm not just a blubbering fool. All this gut spilling has a point.”

She pondered briefly what it would mean for them to have the unspoken words out there in the open. It wasn't like they didn't show each other that they cared tremendously. Would it change their dynamic and make things weird and ultimately unbearable? She cherished him too much as a friend to have their friendship destroyed. Or would the bond that was already clear to everyone but the two of them eclipse anything they could have pictured? She wiped away more tears from her cheek and attempted to speak.

“I…” The right words seemed to elude her. He was the first man since Gerren that stirred her beyond physical desires. She didn't think she would feel that way again especially after everything from before. She wanted to express that yet couldn't bring herself to say that phrase. She felt deeply for him but that phrase was spoiled for her right then. There may come a time in her life when she can say it again but now wasn't the time. She didn't want that to be her declaration to him.

He chuckled at how adorably flustered she had become.

“Kadan, just spit it out.”

She sighed, exasperated at how difficult she was making this. Maybe you don't have to tell him, she told herself and at that moment she knew exactly how to say what she wanted to say.

“Maybe I'm smitten with you.”

Bull raised his brow, waiting for a punchline but there wasn't one. She wasn't joking anymore. Alcina put the words out there and there was no going back.

He asked, “Maybe?”

“Yeah maybe.”

He looked in her eyes and felt a small dash of relief that whatever it was he was feeling was reciprocated. He hadn’t been able to voice it himself but hearing those words from her gave him courage to take the leap. Before he did though, he decided to have a bit of fun and remained silent. She'd laid her heart as bare as she could and he hadn’t responded. Her eyes narrowed a little and her breathing grew short and measured as she fought the rising anger within her.

As her once happy expression turned into a scowl, a grin slowly crept across his face. “You leathery bronto’s ass,” as she turned to get away from him.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her close, “Maybe I'm smitten with you too.”

She smiled, “Maybe too?”

“Yeah, maybe too.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, her heart started racing in her chest. She arose a little to wrap her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. They lingered in the kiss for minutes, both of them swept up by all the revelations. When she finally released him, the only thing either of them could do was smile.

“Look what've you done. You've gone and made us both soft.”

Alcina chuckled, “Yes that was me wanting to tell you something but instead squeezing your hand a while ago.”

“I recall you squeezing back later that night.“

She placed her hand over his heart. “Yeah we're both soft as a fennec. And if anyone has anything to say about it, I'll toss them into a rift.”

He laughed, “Might be bad for morale, Boss.”

“Diplomacy is Josie's area. I'm sure she could charm a dragon out of its hide. Little thing like the Inquisitor tossing people into rifts will be easy.”

“Oh you are evil! Maybe we can just use the trebuchet and send them over the walls. I still need to try out Krem's winged nugs."

Alcina smiled. "I've been wondering how far those things will go. Maybe we should make an announcement out on the battlements. That should quickly get us a 'volunteer' to ride with the nugs, yes?"

Bull snickered as he lay back and pulled her on top of him. "Sleep first. The announcements and nugs can wait."

He wrapped his arms around her. Now that she was all cried out, exhaustion began to overcome her. After laying there in silence for a few minutes, she closed her eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep on his chest. Bull lay there awake with his thoughts for a while and just listened to her sleep.

He'd never experienced what he had with her with anyone before. If he was still dedicated to the Qun, there would be no allowance for this. Duty would have to come first without question. Yet now that he was newly Tal-Vashoth, he was no longer bound by his previous purpose. At this moment in time, all he had was the Chargers, the Inquisition and her. Bull didn't know what would happen with them but he would hold on to what was in his arms and right in front of him right now. He ran his fingers through her hair and whispered to himself, "I like the sound of that Kadan. Maybe." Rousing almost on cue from her slumber, she drowsily replied before turning her head and dozing off again, "Maybe too." Simple words that now held new meaning and value. They worked for him as much as they worked for her.


End file.
